now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
