so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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