well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
