Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
