when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
