...so i touched it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bring me that man meat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
