I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
