the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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