After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
