She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
