remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
