it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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