Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
