every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
