Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
