I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
