i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
