kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
