Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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