Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
