aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
