whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize