Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
