Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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