U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
