I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
