After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
