is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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