it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
