First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
