watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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