My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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