Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there was a trapeze. enough said
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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