i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
