we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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