Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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