He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I intend to get homeless drunk
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
