I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
