i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
