She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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