i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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