i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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