Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
