Is it penis luge time yet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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