and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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