Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
