My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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