NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
