i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
