i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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