He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
