We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
