I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
