So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we're making bets on your personal life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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