Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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