"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
