2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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