i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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