last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
