now i know why i became what i already was.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
