my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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