I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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