um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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