i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
