I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
3 2 1 whiskey
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
